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National Day of Rememberance

10/15/2014

Proclamation 5890 was signed in 1988 by President Ronald Reagan declaring October 15th as Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This day of remembrance then spread to Canada, and now is also observed in the United Kingdom and Australia.

Today, we light a candle in honor of the babies we've lost.

Today, I honor my grandbabies:
Abigail Raine, born sleeping 2/4/2011
Isabella Faith, born sleeping 2/9/2012
Isaiah Nathaniel, born & passed 2/10/2012

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Ways to Memorialize Your Baby

10/9/2014

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It can be very difficult for parents who have lost a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth or postnatal death to find ways to remember and celebrate their child's short life. Here are just a few ideas.

* Plant a tree or annual flower.

* Have a necklace or other jewelry piece made with your baby's name and/or birthstone on it.

* Donate money in memory of your baby to a charity.

* Release a helium-filled balloon with your baby's name written on it.

* Write a poem, paint a picture, make crafts to memorialize your baby. In Heidi Faith's book, The Invisible Pregnancy: Give Birth to Healing, she takes the reader step-by-step through creating a piece (art, writing, ect) as part of the pathway to healing--a way to get in touch with your grief and give birth to healing. It's an excellent read for navigating your way through grief after losing a baby, beautifully written and thought-provoking.

* If you haven't done so, consider holding a memorial service for your baby--regardless of the trimester in which he or she passed away--as a way of publicly recognizing your child's life and death. The service does not need to be expensive or complicated, and can be as big or as intimate as you want it to be. Stillbirthday has chaplains who are specifically trained for this very purpose and can guide you through the process. You can find a listing of their SBD trained chaplains in your area by clicking here. Often their service is free of charge to bereaved families, be sure to ask.

* Create a scrapbook remembering your baby. Include pregnancy photos, ultrasound pictures, written thoughts and memories you had of that time, and any mementos you may want to place in the book.

* In family pictures, use a special stuffed animal as a stand-in for your baby--as a way to symbolize where your child would have been in the picture. I would suggest that this be a stuffed animal that was given to you for the baby, or one that reminds you of your baby when you hold it. Use the same stuffed animal each time you have a new family photo taken.

* Keep a journal. Write about your pregnancy, about the loss of your baby, about your thoughts of your baby as you grieve your child. Write poems for your baby, for yourself. Write about your grief, your anger, your confusion, your fears, your happiness, your guilt. This is your special journal, nothing is taboo, and it can be very healing to write it all out.

* Purchase a special candle to light in honor of your baby. Light the candle on any days that remind you of your child. The date of his birth, his death, his due date, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, ect. Candles have long been a symbol that the light of the person's life continues on even after death.

Feel free to share with myself and others in the comments below, ways you have memorialized your baby. Also, visit our Butterfly Wall to add your baby's name as another way to remember your butterfly baby.

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Parenting: Ten Ideas for Tying Heartstrings with Your Child

10/6/2014

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In my article, Parenting: Tying Heartstrings, I explained the concept of tying heartstrings, what it's all about, and why it is important. In this blog post, I thought I would give you some ideas and activities for tying heartstrings to use as a springboard to get you started.

Honestly, tying heartstrings is extremely simple and easy to do, and very inexpensive. Remember: it's the little things that count most with a child, and your time is way more important than money.

Ten Easy and Inexpensive Ideas for Tying Heartstrings with Your Child

1. Cuddle on the couch, on the bed, or in a chair and read a book, watch a movie, or tell each other stories.

2. Color, draw or paint pictures together or other art/craft activity.

3. Play Hide-And-Seek or other kids game with your child.

4. Play an age appropriate board game or card game together. Or make up a game together. Make your own rules. Change the game up somehow. Ask your child how he would play the game, and what his rules would be if he was the one who designed the game.

5. Build a fort out of blankets and pillows under your dining room table and have a picnic inside.

6. Get on the floor with your child and play together with whatever they are playing with at the time. Let your child lead the interaction and play time.

7. Take a walk or a bike ride with your child. Let him choose the route. Play I Spy as you walk along or tell jokes.

8. Play 20 Questions. Take turns with your child, asking each other questions. Keep it fun and keep it light, but use it as an opportunity to get to know your child better.

Ideas for questions: What's your favorite color? What's your favorite sport? Who is your best friend? Who is your favorite Bible character? Who do you think is the nicest person you've ever met? If you could go anywhere, where would it be? What do you like about (insert your child's favorite character's name here--Big Bird, Elmo, Batman, Hello Kitty, ect)? If you could redecorate your room, how would you decorate it? What is your very first memory that you can remember? What's your favorite food? What do you like best about our family? What do like best about yourself? What do you like best about your brother/sister/father/mother?

These question ideas are just a starting point, the sky is the limit!

9. As much as you are able, make attending your child's sports practices/ games, school concerts, musical recitals, ect., a priority. Yes, the squeaky recorders from your child's 4th grade music class may hurt your ears, and his little league team may lose every single game, but your presence shows him that he is important to you. Whether they win or lose the game, doesn't matter. It's that you're AT the game that counts! (My own little twist on the old saying *smile*)

10. In my opinion, one of the most important and significant ways we tie heartstrings with our children is through family devotions and prayer. In our family, we gather together at the end of the day, as part of our bedtime ritual, and read a short passage of Scripture and pray. We also use this time to reflect on our blessings of the day. It lasts maybe 15-20 minutes and is relaxed and informal. This is a very special time of coming together as a family at the close of the day, even our dogs enjoy sitting with us during this time.

These are just ideas to get you started. There are as many ways to bond with your child as there are children. My best advice, get into your child's world and find out what makes him tick. Tying heartstrings with your child is easy, inexpensive and fun!

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Statistics of Extremely Premature Babies

10/4/2014

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Thought I would share with you this infographic by the Tampa Bay Times showing the statistics for extremely premature babies (also known as micro-preemies). If you click on the infographic, it will take you directly to the infographic on the Tampa Bay Times website for easier reading.

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Foster Child Adoption 101

10/3/2014

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Photo credit: The Independent

The following is a reprint and update to an article I wrote, published November 9, 2007.

Statistically, there are over 104,000 children in the foster care system nationwide who are waiting for adoption, according to Adopt US Kids, an organization which hosts a website, listing foster children from across the United States who are legally available for adoption. Of the children who are awaiting a forever family, an estimated 18,000 will “age-out” of the system, which means they will become too old, usually 18, to remain under the foster care umbrella. With no one to turn to and no where to go, they typically end up homeless, or in prison, the outlook for society’s orphans is often bleak.

It is true, adopting a child out of the foster care system is not for the faint of heart. However, if you and your spouse are up for the challenge, this method of adding to your family can be very rewarding.

First Things First
Before you go any further, you will need to determine if adoption is really right for you. Not everyone is cut out for adoption and, as mentioned earlier in this article, often children who are in the foster care system carry with them unique problems and behaviors. So be sure that adoption is right for you. Also, do not forget your spouse. If he or she is hesitant, deal with those concerns first before proceeding. Make sure your relationship can withstand the demands of an emotionally, and perhaps physically and/or mentally needy child. If you already have children, prepare them as well. Adoption brings big changes to the entire household. Make sure that everyone is prepared and on the same page.

It is also a good idea is to consult with your extended family and friends. Are they open to adoption? Will they accept an adopted child, especially a child with handicaps or of another race? Begin now to build up a support system for your family. This will be invaluable to you throughout the adoption process.

Next, contact your local child placement agency. Many states require you to attend specialized training courses, usually free of charge, which you will need to complete before moving on to your home study. These classes are an excellent way to learn more about adoption and foster care, and gives you much insight into the world of the foster child.

The Adoption Home Study
The child placement agency will also help you to prepare for your home study. A home study basically is a study of your home and family. You will have many documents you will need to gather together, such as: marriage licenses, divorce decrees, financial documents, health assessments, and letters of reference. It is work, but it’s worth it.

A social worker will interview you, your spouse, and your children, at least once, but typically two to three times during the home study process. The worker will also want to do a walk-thru of your home to make sure you have ample space for a child, and that it is free of safety hazards.

Finally, everyone living in the home, over the age of ten (although the age may vary from state-to-state), will need to have background checks run on them, and possibly be fingerprinted. These checks will look at the presence of criminal history and past child abuse or neglect allegations or charges.

In Conclusion
Once you have your approved home study, the agency will then help you to find the child, or children, who are the right fit for your family. Most agencies remain involved even post-adoption to continue to assist you and your newly adopted child as you both adjust to your new life together. Despite the challenges of adopting a foster child, the rewards for both your child, and yourself, are far greater and lasts a lifetime.

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October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

10/1/2014

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On October 25, 1988, President Ronald Reagan signed Proclamation 5890 declaring October to be National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, with October 15th to be known as Remembrance Day.

It is estimated that a mother experiences a pregnancy loss somewhere in the United States every 60 seconds. During the month of October, we remember the babies lost, and honor their families.

Below is an infographic from The American Pregnancy Association about pregnancy loss in the United States. Despite pregnancy and infant loss affecting so many lives each year in the U.S. alone, many mothers and families grieve in silence because it's still considered a taboo subject, even in our modern culture. It's time to break the silence. It's time to let every mom who has lost a baby know that she is not alone.

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National Day of Rememberance

Ways to Memorialize Your Baby

Parenting: Ten Ideas for Tying Heartstrings with Your Child

Statistics of Extremely Premature Babies

Foster Child Adoption 101

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

Crystal Niehoff

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